A NOVEL – AGNES ON THE MOVE – CHAPTER 7 – BY LORELIE & TIM OLSON

The following morning, Carolyn  said, “Jake, we have to talk about Agnes.” 

“Right now?”

“Yes.  Twice now we have nearly lost Agnes.  It’s a miracle she’s still with us.”

“I know.  Did you notice the cat carriers at the Disneyland kennel?”

“I did.  I also found out that they use something called “Tidy Cat Kitty Litter” for the cats while they are housed in the kennel.”

“Isn’t that something.   What is happening to the world?  Wouldn’t surprise me if  we have to pick up dog poop when we take Copper for a walk.”

“Hubby dear,  we need to find a pet store and buy cat litter, a cat box and a carrier.”

“Today?  Before we go to Disneyland?  The boys will be impossible to live with.”

“I’ve already located a pet store not that far from our motel.”

“And where do you expect to find space in the wagon?”

“Well, we will also stop at an auto store and buy a carrier for the top of the car.”

“I knew taking Agnes with us would cost money.”

“You stay here with the boys.  I’ll be as fast as I can.”

“Couldn’t it wait until we leave for San Francisco?”

“No.  We either do this or I stay here with Agnes while you take the boys to Disneyland.  No more carrying Agnes in our arms in parking lots.”

“OK.  You’re right.  Why don’t I do the running?”

“I don’t think so.  I’m a more efficient shopper.”

“Make sure you get the right size car top carrier.”

“I’ll have them install it.  Shouldn’t take more than an hour.  Take the boys and get some breakfast.”

The next two days were boring.  In the motel room I was now set up with a litter box in the bathroom so I never got to go outside.  My people wouldn’t even open the door to the motel room without first putting me in what Carolyn called my carrier.  I called it my cage.  I had to stay in the cage until the kennel keeper popped me into one of their cages.  I spent so much time licking myself I lost some fur off my tummy.  After all I do for my people, how could they do this to me?  How could they have any fun without me with them?  I have a great memory.  When we get home, I will have to retrain them on how to treat me.  

At last we were back on the highway and I had the freedom of the Ford.  David and Billy were worn out and slept quietly in the back seat.  Me?  Jake fixed up the back of the Ford just for me.  On one side I had my carrier  with a new blanket Carolyn had bought me.   At first Jake shut me up in the carrier, but I screeched and scratched.  If irritated enough, my humans will do what I want them to do.  David popped the door open and I again could be where I wanted to be.  On the other side was a kitty litter box where I could go any time I chose.  Which wasn’t likely.  No privacy.

Restless after being cooped up, I bounced from lap to lap until Carolyn corralled me in her lap and said,  “Agnes, if you keep this up  and wake up the boys,  you are going to be locked in your carrier.  You can complain all you want, but you won’t be let out.”  I settled into Carolyn’s lap until we crossed a bridge with only water as far as I could see.  I jumped to the back of the wagon and curled up on my new blanket.  All that water was too scary for me.  Soon we drove off the main  highway and wound along a narrow windy road until Jake pulled into the driveway of a house with grass and dirt. 

The car wasn’t even stopped when four people burst out the door, waving to us.  I knew the people from when they had visited us in Munson Bay.   They were the Johnsons, Jake’s sister Barbara, her husband Jim, and two children, Rod and Julie. What was that with them?  A dog.  A small worm-shaped dog yipping, wiggling and trying to look fierce.  I’d make short work of him.

My people, forgetting me, opened all the doors at once.  I jumped out, free for the first time since I stalked Mickey Mouse.  The Rasmussens and Johnsons hugged, kissed, and babbled.  They reminded me of a bunch of kittens wrestling with each other.  Cats get over that kind of behavior by the time they are a year old.  People never grow up.  Oscar, the dog, bounced up and down on Carolyn’s legs.  Carolyn said, “Oh Oscar. aren’t you cute.” Cute?  Did she say cute?  That sausage.  Carolyn would never allow mush-mouth to jump up on her like that.

While they continued doing silly things and not paying attention to me, I scooted into the house.  Oscar, doing his best to bark, chased after me.  No one noticed.  I turned, huffed my back and stared at him.  He strutted up to me, and sniffed me nose to nose.  To let him know he was not in charge, I spit at him.  He cocked his head, backed off, and sat down.  I hunched up, the fur on my back sticking straight up, and spit again, harder.  Oscar made yipped and dashed out the front door to be met by Jake coming in the  house.  He leaned down, gave Oscar a pet and said,  “Oscar, you are the funniest dog.”  

Then I  heard Jim from outside, “Carolyn, didn’t I see Agnes in a back window of the car when you drove up?”
“Oh, oh, Jake, did you take care of Agnes?”

“No, I completely forgot about her.  But here she is beside me in the house.”  Not wanting to worry Carolyn and have her lock me up, I rubbed against Jake’s leg.  Now the people were talking about me, Agnes.  Jake said, “We have a bundle of stories to tell you about that cat.”  Carolyn breathed out a long sigh.

Right behind Jake, Barb scooped me up and stroked me while the Rasmussens told their  version of what happened at Disneyland.  Jake told it half right, but the Johnsons  laughed, admired me, wanted a picture of me with Mickey Mouse, and couldn’t get over what a marvelous cat I was.  They were right about that.  Glancing down, I saw Oscar skittering around the Rasmussens for attention while Carolyn  continued on about Jake’s difficulty with me on the leash and finding dirt in parking lots.  

Jake humphed, “You didn’t need to tell that part.”  Carolyn paid no attention to Jake and told the Johnsons about the screen door and my having sneaked out.  Barb was completely mine by the time Carolyn had finished her story.  Barb patted Carolyn on her shoulder, “Well, Agnes, I’m sure you won’t get lost here.  You can have the run of the house. Jim, will you close the front door?”  

Jim shut the door and said, “I’m sure Oscar  won’t hurt her.”  Oscar hurt me?  No way.   I squirmed a bit and  Barb immediately put me down.   She turned to the Rasmussens, “You must be thirsty after a hard day on  the road.  Can I fix you something to drink?”

While they went to the kitchen, I had a private need and quickly found the perfect place.  Right in the middle of the house was an indoor garden area surrounded by glass and open to the sky.  After turning a corner, I found a sliding door  and padded out into a jungle of plants.  Why didn’t my people have an area like this?   The  dirt was soft,  the low bushes provided privacy, and the sun above the jungle kept me warm.  While I was digging, I heard Barb say, “We  will have to rig up a litter box for Agnes, won’t we.”

Glancing outside, Carolyn laughed, “I think Agnes has solved the litter box problem for now, Barb.  We do have one in the Ford if it’s needed.”  Then they all pointed at  me and laughed.  Why do humans do things like that?  They like privacy, too.  They always shut the door of the bathroom, except for Billy.  

Jake added, “I’m so glad I don’t have to walk her outside on the leash anymore.”  I  had more reason to feel good about that than Jake had.

The Rasmussens and the Johnsons took their drinks to the back yard, and I realized I needed water.  It wasn’t like David to forget my water dish.  He always took care of that as soon as we arrived in a new place.  Well, I would just have to take matters into my own  paws.  I knew where I could find water because Billy never put the lid down on the toilet. I headed down the hall, looking for the bathroom.  I heard a toilet flush!  The door wasn’t closed.  Billy  dashed out and I darted in.  I hopped up on the rim, balanced my paws carefully on the lid, and  bent my head for a drink when Julie entered.  “Agnes, how gross! Icky – poo.  Mom!  Agnes is drinking out of the toilet.”  Julie  brushed me off with her arm.

Startled, I fell right between the toilet and the wall.  Stupid girl.  My people, except for Carolyn,  thinks it’s funny when I drink out of the toilet!  Julie cleary doesn’t know cats.

I skedaddled out of the bathroom, still thirsty.  I returned to the kitchen. Maybe Oscar had a water dish.    When I turned the corner leading to the kitchen, I saw it.  How could I have missed it?   I should have known that Barb would take care of a water bowl.  There it was, on a low table, so I wouldn’t be bothered by that walking hot dog, Oscar.  A huge clear bowl filled with water.   Leaping up to the table, I saw a fat gold fish in the bowl.  Water and dinner, all at once!  These people had prepared for my visit.  Barbara must have had a cat once.  Chattering with anticipation, I put my head through the bowl’s opening and started to drink.  After I  had satisfied my thirst, the fish was still out of reach.  It darted back and forth so fast that I couldn’t get my mouth close enough to grab it.  Irritated, I pulled my head out of the bowl and dipped my paw to catch the fish.  I hate to get my paw wet, but I had no choice.  My left paw was just about to scoop the fish out of water when I felt myself lifted and then tossed on the floor – not gently.  “Agnes, shame on you,” Jake scolded.  “Carolyn, Agnes is trying to catch the goldfish.”

Carolyn was no more understanding, “That naughty cat almost ate your goldfish, Barb.  I hope the fish is all right.”

Barbara answered, “I’m sure it is.  She just wanted the water, not the fish.  She must have been really thirsty.”

Then Julie, who had no sense of cat ways at all burst in, “She was even trying to drink out of the toilet. Mom, cats are yucky!”

Carolyn interrupted, “Well, I’m going to have a few words with David, it’s his job to fill her water dish as soon as we get out of the car.” 

Barb picked me up and carried me to the kitchen.  “Come on Agnes, we’ll get you some fresh water.”  She filled a water bowl and set it in front of me on the counter. I wasn’t thirsty any more but I was getting hungry.

While I didn’t drink any water, I did smell the most delicious food I’d ever sniffed in my life, except for Doritos.  It reminded me of the salmon skin I often had for a treat at the Rasmussens.  This was different.  When Barbara put me back on the floor, I preened myself against her and rubbed her legs with my head.  After that, I sat and stared at the delicious food on the counter.

Talking not to me but to Jake and Carolyn, Barbara said,  “I wasn’t sure when you’d like to have dinner, so you can have your choice.  We plan on having crab for dinner and Jim has the hot tub all set.  Would you like to eat first, or would you like to relax and unwind in the hot tub for a while?

Jake said,  “I think the crab will taste much better after a soak in the tub.  After Disneyland and a day on the road, my muscles are all tight.”

“The children might get hungry,” Carolyn said.

“We’ll fix some snacks for them,” Jim answered.   “Besides, David and Rod have already disappeared down the block somewhere.  Billy and Julie can play together until we’re ready.”

I watched while Barb and Carolyn prepared snacks for the children.  I tried the “will and wait,” but it didn’t work.   Barbara said, “Carolyn you can change in the first bedroom down the  hall on your right.  I’ll meet you out at the tub.”  Carolyn picked me up and dropped me in the bedroom before she changed into a swimsuit and left the bedroom on her way to the tub.

I heard all these human voices outside the bedroom window.  I jumped up to the window ledge and watched them.  They took off their robes and exposed all their skin except  some small places covered with tiny pieces of cloth.  Humans!  Weren’t they embarrassed enough to not have fur?  But to take off their clothes in front of each other?  Before I could jump down from such a sight, they stepped into a huge tub of swirling, bubbling water.  How could they possibly yell at me for drinking from the toilet when they did things like that?  Only their heads were visible.  I shivered just to think of it, but they looked blissful.  Humans are really hard to understand.

Watching them soon bored me, and my stomach reminded me of the crab.  I jumped down and discovered that Carolyn had left the bedroom door cracked open.  When I got to the  kitchen, Oscar sat below the counter with his head as high as it could be, sniffing the crab.  I knew what he wanted, but like most dogs, he didn’t know how to get it.  I gave his tail a playful swat and leaped to the counter top.  The crab was unlike any fish I’d had before.  It was all covered with a hard shell.  I bit it and swatted it but the crab didn’t break.  I sat down and stared at the crab.  This usually works for me.

It didn’t help.  I was about to hop down when I looked over the counter’s edge and saw Oscar with his front legs up against the cabinet getting as close to the crab as he could possibly get.  I returned to the crab, pushed one to the edge  and over it went.  Oscar knew exactly what to do.  Chewing anything is what dogs can do.  Oscar went to work on the shells.  He held the crab between his paws and began to chew on it.  Soon the crab split open.  I jumped down; he growled at me; but I spit and swatted him hard on the nose.  He gave a quick  yowl and dragged another piece of the crab into a corner.  I held the shell with one paw and pulled out the meat with the claws of my paw.  I enjoyed the most delicious treat I’d ever had – next to Doritos, that is.  After Oscar and I finished the first crab, I jumped to the counter and swatted another one down.

Just before I leaped down to join Oscar, I glanced across the kitchen and saw the table with the children’s snacks.  There in the middle of the table was a bowl of Nacho Cheese Doritos.  Never had I been treated this well, not even by Janet and George in the motel.  Ignoring Oscar and the crab, I jumped directly to the nearby table, skidded, knocking most of the treats on the floor.  I hadn’t swallowed more than two Doritos when Billy and Julie chased each other into the kitchen.

“Agnes!” Billy shouted.

Julie screamed, “Oscar!  Mom, Dad, come quick. Oscar is eating up all the crab.  The kitchen is a mess.”

Oscar nearly got trampled leaving the kitchen with the crab dangling from his mouth when the adults, all dripping water, came into the kitchen.   Jim ran into  the living room.  “Oscar! You know better than that.”  Jim gave Oscar a swift swat on the rear. 

Carolyn shook her head, “Agnes!  This is the last straw. Barb, I’m so sorry.  First the gold fish and now this!”

“Oh, I don’t think it was Agnes.  She’s only eating the Doritos.” Barb answered, “She couldn’t bite through the shells anyway.  Even if she knocked the crab down, Oscar should know better.  He’ll have to stay outside.”

Before Jake could swat me from the table, I grabbed one more Dorito and ran out to the indoor garden.  Jake slammed the slider behind me.  “You can just stay there until bedtime when you are going into the carrier until morning.”  Content, I curled up on the soft cushion in the shade for a real snooze.  Did he say he was going to put me in the carrier?  I knew Barbara would save me and she did.

This time I dreamed of home.